May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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