Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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