she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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