I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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