This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
