did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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