Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
