I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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