porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
