He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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