so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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