Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im holly from the hills drunk
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
