im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
