Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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