I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
