Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
