My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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