she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
