she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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