True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
