Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
