An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
