Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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