well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
