I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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