OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
