why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Bring me that man meat
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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