Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
