What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
