i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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