ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
