mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
