i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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