which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Holy sore nipples Batman
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
