every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
