He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
