My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
