he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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