NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
