Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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