Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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