he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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