.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
