so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
