I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
worst night to have a conscience
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
