What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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