i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
