I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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