I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's always time for handjobs
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
