just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
