I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
