Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
