saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
