I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
