My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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