Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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