Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
