I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You are a genius and a whore.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
